Hello and welcome to those left behind…

As you can tell by the title and my name, I am indeed a young widow. I never really thought that this could happen when I said I do…That I would be left behind years later. But life has a way of kicking you square in the face when you least expect it.

I first met my husband in high school. I know totally cliché. He wasn’t the quarterback and I wasn’t the head cheerleader. We were a couple of normal teens who became best friends. We helped each other with dating advice and he was my one link to constant support. He was funny, handsome, confident, smart and so much more.

We made 10 years married in 2021, with two beautiful teenage children and our two fur babies. Though we had our ups and downs life was simple and filled with laughter and love. Nearing the ending of the year our marriage had become strained but we kept pushing to make things work. Little did I know when I left with the kids to house sit at my sisters it would be the last time I said and kissed him goodbye.

When I got the call that he had passed at home alone, my body went numb and I screamed. I fell to the floor and felt like I was drowning. I drove home trying to remain level headed and not scare the kids. When I got there I saw him there on the floor and my world shattered. Every argument seemed meaningless and wasteful. I kept asking myself “How could this happen?”

In the beginning I started going into a blackness blaming everyone and God from taking him away from me and my children. I didn’t understand how the people around me could function and I resented them for being able to do so. I didn’t want to eat or talk. I just wanted to sleep because he was always there in my dreams. I knew I needed to be strong for my kids even if I felt shattered and wanted to be with him.

Within days my family moved us out of our home and we moved to my mother home. It was hard leaving the one place filled with so many memories of our life together. I’m lucky my mother and sister were there, some people have to deal with with HELL all alone. Days were hard but the night at least provided some escape from reality and I could see him again. But along with the morning sun I would always wake knowing he wasn’t there and I would never see or speak to him again.

It’s been nine months since he passed now. I’ve prayed a lot and leaned on God to get me through. I don’t think I would be here writing this right now if it wasn’t for him. God has given us many blessings and even our first home. Our children are healthy and doing well, that’s all that matters to me. They are the best parts of us and I see him in them everyday.

Even though the pain is still there and the desire to be with him comes, I know my children need me more. I’m not perfect but my love is endless.

I initially wanted to create this to just share my feelings. Hopefully someone who happens to pass by and reads this knows their not alone. Yes, being a widow is hard. Being a widowed mother is also hard but it’s not the end of our happiness. Life is difficult and though it takes time we will be able to smile, laugh and be thankful for the good moments that come.

I pray everyone who reads this knows that the most important thing in life is loving one another and expressing that love even through difficult times. Make moments count, make them meaningful. I pray that you always know how much you are loved by God. Never let what happened today take away the joy of tomorrow!

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